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When I discovered I had breast cancer, it came as a shock! After all, I had been on a spiritual path through A Course In Miracles for almost 14 years. Surely I had become much too enlightened to contract any kind of serious illness. My thoughts then turned to self-blame and victimhood. What have I done wrong?" I kept asking.
I thought I had forgiven everybody who needed forgiving as a lack of forgiveness is what A Course In Miracles says causes illness. I began to desperately search my mind for anyone I hadn't forgiven so that I could make the cancer disappear.
I Hadn't Done Anything Wrong
When I calmed my mind enough to listen to God's Voice within me, I realized I hadn't done anything wrong. The cancer was part of the unfoldment of the part I had to play in demonstrating I'm not a body. Through prayer and meditation, it came to me that breast cancer was an opportunity for growth, just like any other challenge I'd confronted in my life.
"There's no order of difficulty in miracles" is A Course In Miracles first principle. My meditations revealed that I was to use cancer to demonstrate that "any assault on the body" cannot affect my reality as spirit. The Voice told me that I could walk through suffering without suffering.
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At the time I discovered the lump, there had been some anxiety producing events going on in my life. My mother was ill and had become extremely dependent on me. I was also finishing a Doctorate Degree in psychology, in addition to teaching psychology courses. During most of the year before I discovered the lump, I had been feeling weighed down by an inordinate amount of responsibility.
The first part of my healing was to become very gentle on myself I began by relinquishing any control I perceived I had as to the outcome of my mother's health. The universe responded by sending leads for placing her in an assisted care living facility.
My family and I found an ideal facility under the direction of a woman we came to call Saint Alice. With my mother taken care of, I could concentrate on my own healing. In that area, too, the appropriate healing and healers came to me.
Guided To Inner Health
The guidance I received in my heart of hearts was to have the traditional treatment for breast cancer. For the kind of lump I had, the recommend treatment is lumpectomy followed by radiation. A Course In Miracles says that any of our nightmares can turn into happy dreams when seen through the eyes of forgiveness. My happy dream began with finding spiritual teachers who took me through releasing processes.
One teacher had me focus on forgiveness and letting go of the past. Another teacher had me concentrate on my breathing. She gently reminded me that by doing conscious breathing exercises, I would be able to rise above the events to perceive the illusionary nature of what I was going through. My husband and I also took a cruise the weekend before the surgery. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I was in a state of perfect peace.
My happy dream continued with the willingness to see the "traditional" medical establishment through forgiving eyes. The miracle was that the doctors who came to me all proved to be " mensches" (a Yiddish term meaning caring people). The radiologist-oncologist studied Transcendental Meditation and had read The Celestine Prophecy. We had delightful conversations about the power of belief in medicine, the role of prayer in healing, and the importance of the doctor/patient relationship.
The radiologist, Kim, was kind, patient, and responded to my every question and concern. At one point, I felt guilty for thinking I was being excessively demanding. The morning after I prayed for help in dealing with the guilt feelings, Kim thanked me for reminding her that she got into the medical profession to help people. She admitted that sometimes she lost sight of that fact. I was able to see her job through her eyes. She met many very sick people, some of whom had been given no hope of recovery, and some of whom even died.
I realized how difficult it must be to maintain a high degree of compassion and openness with patients when some of them may not live. Shutting down emotionally is a way to inoculate oneself against loss. Kim and I developed a holy relationship, one of perfect equality. We were teacher and student to one another.
A Miraculous Healing Experience
My surgeon was amazed at rapid healing. Lumpectomy patients are sent home with a drainage pump dangling from the side of their bodies. The pump allows lymph fluids to drain. Patients normally have to wear the pump one to two weeks, until there is minimal drainage. My pump came out in five days. I had very little swelling and a minimum amount of pain.
To hasten my healing, three weeks after surgery, I went on a spiritual retreat. The weekend of prayer and meditation was renewing. It affirmed my function as demonstrator of the principle that all healing occurs through maintaining contact with the Voice for God within. Through contact with that Voice, I was led to an alternative health practitioner, a chiropractor, who performed miracles in bolstering my recuperative powers. As a witness to the speed with which I was healing, four weeks after surgery, I defended my Doctoral dissertation.
What Was Learned?
There's a story of a Zen monk who is crying at the grave of his master. Another monk came along and said, "Why are you crying? You're an enlightened being." The first monk answered, "I'm sad."
I've learned that remaining peaceful is the key to healing. Sure there were times I was in a great deal of pain, but I didn't deny it, I just went through it. There needs to be an honoring of the process of healing, whatever it is. Only then can one go beyond the process to the light.
My experience made me realize that we're all following specific forms of the universal curriculum designed to undo our particular fears. The forms offer us the opportunities to release the past and move through the world with grace.
Breast cancer has taught me many valuable lessons. It's made me feel more compassion for both patients and healers. It's taught me to lighten up, i.e., to let go of any anxiety and pain as soon as they come up. It's also made me unwilling to compromise my values anymore. I believe it's a continuous denial of one's Self that leads to the development of disease in the first place.
Right now I'm happy to be alive. I'm deepening and expanding my spiritual life. I see my life as a continuing adventure in discovering the meaning of healing.
Related book:
A Chorus of Wisdom: Notes on Spiritual Living
edited by Sorah Dubitsky.
Offering insight and revelation in a manner that is sure to bring positive change, A Chorus of Wisdom is a treasure chest of advice that transcends the ages. Bringing together the writings of over 25 visionary thinkers and including reflections on each essay from the editor, this book shows how to create a life filled with purpose, peace and healing.
About The Author
Dr. Sorah (Susan) Strum Dubitsky has a Ph.D. in Applied Psychology with a specialty in mind/body science. She is a teacher, writer, and lecturer on all areas of health and wellness and self-help, including stress management, relationships, women's issues, creativity and personal productivity. She founded Miracle Journeys magazine, a South Florida inspirational publication that circulated for eight years. Her background encompasses 18 years of corporate work-life in New York City including executive recruiting, advertising agency account management, and publishing. www.drsorah.com
